Nehemiah's arrogance?

'So I sent messengers to them, saying, “I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down. Why should the work cease while I leave it and go down to you?” '

That's what Nehemiah said, chapter 6 verse 3.

sounds fairly arrogant but it's pretty spot on.

How single minded are we about the task we've been called to by God? How far do we go in chasing after his things and how many other things take focus and time away? Are we confident enough in the fact that God has called us to a task or dream that we can stand with Nehemiah and tell all other distractions to leave us?

It's not very often any of us says stuff like Nehemiah, It's not very often people rebuild city wall in a couple of months. I've noticed a lot of great people are pretty single minded, not much time for niceties. yet most Christians have a lot of time for niceties and not much gets done.

Is this more of the Religious Spirit? I'm aware I'm no pointing a finger to avoid the core of this that bites me. How easy is it for a vicar like me to go to meetings, make noise via email and feel important doing good things, but never focus solely on the call of my life?

When was the last time someone invited me to something and I quoted Nehemiah?

Prayer request

Hey folks,

this one's a prayer request.

Ongoing at the moment we have a whole interesting situation which needs large amounts of prayer. There is a grievance ongoing between the PCC (centering on yours truly) and an employee which is causing massive amounts of stress to all involved.

The employee has been off for some months now with stress elated to the incident and there are times when i'd love to follow suit!

We're going to call a day of fasting and prayer for the peaceful reconciling work of God to break in. This isn't about us moaning about anyone, there have been failings on all sides.

We'd love folks to join with us in praying for wisdom, the right outcomes and a united church.

There is so much good stuff going on as I blogged yesterday, but this sucks time and energy away from all of us.

I'm calling a (food) fast day(though you could fast anything you like) on Monday 21st September.

If you would join us in prayer wherever you are that would be fantastic.

Thank You

Ok so after a great talk on thankfulness by our student, Louise, I’ve been looking back on our first year in post:

PCC now up for radical future (organic church)

1 house church planted

2 new congregations (one for kids, one for 60+) about to be planted.

At least 2 house churches in pipe line.

3 definite new believers (a few more on the journey)

home group moving into pub to meet and be outward focused

At least 10 healings

1 transforming deliverance

Halls transformed

Living in community

Congregation experiencing Holy Spirit in new ways

Individuals in congregation transformed

New Leaders

New Worker in place

Outgoings reduced, Giving up

New members

Joy in the place

Healing on the streets/treasure hunting planned.

Toddler group begun

One enquirers course about to start

Halls to be used for shelter for homeless for a month in the new year.

And I’ve been a bit lazy, a bit distracted and under it a bit.

Thanks Dad, Thanks Jesus and Thanks Holy Spirit!

Encouraging?

Watch/listen to the video.

So what do you think…

Good to hear Mr Moyles talking up church?

That’s the spin I’ve heard from most. But I see it a little differently.

Ok, some people may have heard it and feel a little more positive about Church, that Christians aren’t boring, but the overwhelming response seems to be from the team that it’s nice that Christians are having fun, like American Christians(!)

I guess I just get frustrated with us trying to make Jesus and Church “cool.”

I was 16 when I chose to follow Jesus and that was my first aim, to convince the world it was cool to follow Jesus and then they’d all join me in church and everything would be great, well everything would be easier for me.

Possibly someone might have heard Chris Moyles (who btw is a legend) and thought… I’ll give church a go, looking for, what? entertainment? Happiness? Singing? Food?

The whole idea of lets make church fun and hope people come and find Jesus is a farce, obviously we’ve not been reading our bibles, how often does Jesus say GO, GO OUT?

How often does he challenge non-believers (give all you have to the poor, you need to eat my flesh and drink my blood, you need to be born of the spirit, you have has 6 ‘husbands’ etc.)

The truth is that few might come to the big churches who can put on a great show, and preach the gospel in word and action, BUT 99% of the churches in the Uk are not capable of this and do a poor imitation. We’re content with status quo, content with one or two saved.

When will the church stand up and get what Jesus dies for? I’m happy that Moylesy is positive about church, for his souls sake. But lets not get excited, lets do something better.

fatalism

How often have you heard a believer say, “but it must be God’s will..?”

Often when a decision is made or an event happens which is sanctioned by authorities or the answer to a perfectly sane request in prayer is seemingly answered ‘no.’

Often with the appointment of workers, the decisions of a corporate church leadership, the actions of the state etc.

As if the sovereignty of God means every decision of import by leadership is the enforced will of God. I sure there’s a brand of hyper-Calvinism that subscribes to this view, but it makes no sense. I’m guessing that most followers of Jesus wouldn’t really stand up for this view. But functionally it is what happens.

If something happens which is a hard decision or hurts someone or prayer isn’t answered, it’s down to God, because He's big enough to take it, He can cope with blame or spite or the difficulty.

The possibility that every decision every Christian organisation and individual makes could not only be wrong but barking mad needs to be faced by all of us. But the key possibility is that I, We, may have got all, many or most of our decisions wrong is more important. The humility of this understanding, the acknowledgment that it is easy to step out of God’s will and even easier to step back into His plan.

This underpinned by a faith in a perfect loving Father who wants nothing but the best for us and the knowledge that He does work all things (our successes and failures, right and wrong decisions) for the good of those that love Him.

Canals and Rivers

Whilst away on a nice little break Caroline and I were walking along a canal bank.

It struck me that the British church is very much like a canal. There’s life in there, but you’re not always sure how it survives. It supports great boats that move swiftly and serenely held up it. In the past it supported massive heavy industry but now just the odd pleasure cruise.

It is immovable, fixed, easy to get into, very hard to get out of, you can easily drown in it.

Alongside the canal was a powerful, free flowing river, with a life of it’s own, running free and clear, cutting out a new path with every year and every generation. It’s shallower, but much more life giving, more fragile but more powerful, more dangerous and more productive, necessary to every generation,

As we walked we saw where the river could flow in to fill the canal and where the canal could overflow into the river. River water goes into the canal and stagnates, canal water went not the river and was cleaned and freed.

Rhythm

Ok, so I've not been blogging much, but thats because I'm limiting net time at the mo.
We've entered a rhythm of life that means we're taking time from 6-10am to pray and read as a couple and family, prayer walk and do an hour on the garden/outside of the place.
We've had 5000 cards made, business card size with the prayer you pray to get saved on it on the front and a website and mobile on the back. Pete Farmer has taken 2500, so I've only got 2500 to give away(!), the aim is to give them to people we pass on the street and hope that they identify the people of peace. It's a real aid to touching people when out, starting a conversation cold is so difficult. It's only £50ish for 5000 as well.

It's really good and though Dan's not been sleeping all that well so the nights have been hard, but he slept through last night which is great. Prayer appreciated for good sleep to continue.
We've invited all the church to come and pray in the almost finished prayer room (cellar conversion as in not very clear pictures after and before above!) at 7am Mon, Wed, Fri and 7pm Tues and Thurs.

We pray for a harvest and workers from the harvest (see organic church) at 1pm each day. If anyone wants to join us in that...

We've also had another great time with Tom and Steph, well that's a lie, it was great to be with them but the conversation was all about how we share our money in community. I wonder of the church in Acts had to discuss direct debits, insurance and mortgages? anyway, on we go... We're looking at them coming for a week to try things out and generally all systems are go. Even the diocese have said yes.

Feeling positive at the mo, planning a bonfire/confession service on Sunday night in the church car park, about to go and see a guy and see if wants to do a regular weekly meeting aimed at him being saved! Have committed to pray for healing for 4 people with no church/God connections by Monday, only done one so far, but have 1 more lined up today, praying for opportunities.

Dan turned 2 yesterday, full report with photo's tomorrow, he is so lovely, just a great little boy.

back to Tozer...

O God and Father
I repent of my sinful preoccupation with visible things.
This world has taken up too much of my head-space.
You have always been with me and I've ignored You.
I have been blind to your constant presence,
Open my eyes so that I can see you in everything that surrounds me,
for Jesus sake.

These Tozer prayers are hard-core!

So I'm now reading Punk Monk by Andy Freeman and Pete Greig.
Just awesome when we're thinking of starting a community based around prayer with the cellar as the new designated prayer room.
Please pray for wisdom in setting this up...
Also I have a dream of there being a separate entrance to the room so people can enter without coming into the house. There is space for this, but not the couple of £1000's!

I then have this thought that maybe, just maybe, people coming through the house is the best thing... open-ness, hospitality, hmm.

Anyway, lets be challenged by Tozer again.

O God, inspire me, take every power within me and quicken, enliven, increase it,
not for me, but so I can take hold of eternal, spiritual things.
Open the eyes of my heart so I can see;
give me acute spiritual perception;
Let me actually taste and see/know that You are good.
Make heaven more real to me than anything on earth has ever been.
Amen

part 3 Tom, Steph and Eve

Lord, your ways are excellent,
mine are dark, devious and messed up.
Show us how to die, in order to be raised to life to the full.
Lord rip apart the curtain over my self-life from the top down,
just like the curtain was ripped in the temple.
We want to draw near in certainty of faith.
We want our daily experience of life on earth to be so full of You
that we are prepared for Your glory when we're with You in heaven.
In Jesus name

Amen

So we've just said goodbye to Tom, Steph (and Eve.)

The chances are that we are going to live in community in this house.
Sharing life and mission and prayer. Real 'Acts' style communion.
They have some big decisions over their house and we have made a date to start talking about finance and putting our money together.
But despite all the detail to work through, it's so easy to be with them. We've now met them 4 times(!!!!) but i'm sure about this. I feel so relaxed around them, the heart thing is settled.
But this prayer today is so spot on. The veil is going to be removed, this family, who are becoming my family will see me as I am. I have so much selfishness and pride that will be assaulted by the whole challenge of community living.
It's exciting/scary.

Caroline had a great picture of us all holding hands and spinning in a circle in a really fun child-like way, and the circle moved faster and we all leaned back more and the speed increased until it became a tornado that had huge impact on the area around it.
I love that! I want that, I'd love prayers for that.

I really like the leaning back thing, the trust of each other to rely on each other holding us up and to rely on oneself to not let go... just great.

one for the anglicans

Tozer 2 + a request

Father, I want to know you,
but my messed up, selfish heart is scared to give up it's favourite toys.
I can't part with these things without the operation causing me pain
and I can't hide from You how much losing them scares me.
I come trembling, but I do come,
Please search out all the things in my heart that I have enjoyed for so long that they are now a part of my being. Clear them out so that You can come and live in my heart without any rival.
Then You can make the place your feet touch glorious,
Then my heart will have no need of the sun to shine in it,
for You will be the light and heat source,
and there will never be dark or cold again.
In Jesus Name Amen

2 prayer requests:
1. This Monday is our vision/planning day for kids church.
6 of us including a great consultant from Harrogate (pray for the lovely Rachel who is doing this for nothing) spending a day seeking God and pulling together a plan.

2. Generally as a church we're struggling money wise. We have decent reserves but don't cover our running costs with our giving. Yes, we need money, but more than that we need wisdom.
I ask for prayers for wisdom and blessing for our treasurer, Brillo and for the whole leadership whenever we discuss these issues.

Oscillating on the river

Thought I'd try out a long word!
Thanks to all who have recently started reading and emailng me to say you're there. (try commenting, it's safe and easy!)
muchos appreciated.

Had a good prayer time Sunday morning, normally Sunday morning around 7am is HEELLLPPP prayer time. God give me answers/inspiration/love/energy.

A mate had a word on Friday night... It's through INTIMACY that we INTIMIDATE the enemy.
just loved that, so Sunday morning I told God I didn't want to talk about the service I wanted Him.
Turns out that was a great idea.

We enjoyed each others company for a while and then I felt Him bring a book to mind (I'm in a reading season it seems, oh and try Land of Hope and Glory by Bruce Atkinson, v. inspiring) which is now on the panel to the left, Tozer ends each chapter with a prayer. I'm going to paraphrase each one as my own each day for as long as it takes to run out.
Join in! for me and you.


O God,
I have tasted and seen how good you are.
I am satisfied but I'm thirsty for more!
I'm in pain over my continuing need for your grace.
I'm ashamed of my lack of passion and desire.
God, Father, Jesus, Spirit,
I want to want you.
I long for longing to overcome me,
I thirst to be thirstier,
Show me your Glory so that I can see you more and know you more.
Be merciful to me and begin in me a new work of love in me.
I need to hear in my soul the words, "arise my fair one and come away."
Then I can rise from this misty wasteland where I have wasted too much time.
In Jesus name,
Amen

Prayer Needs

As I wrote yesterday a big, general list of prayer needs...

1. The fledgling Church plant, for Katie and Mary, Caroline and Marsha.
protection and support for new Christians and wisdom for leaders.

2. Protection
We're feeling safe here physically but the spiritual battle is fierce so protection over the house, church and all the work going on. Prayer for the destruction of the strongholds of Apathy, Fear and Addiction.

3. Community
We're praying with a couple who are looking at moving in with us and sharing life in community (Acts 2 style). They are praying and fasting on Saturday, so pray with them. We're almost finished on having the cellar transformed into a prayer room. We hope to fill the two houses on the site with other committed members of a mission team in a new monastic way sharing life and a rhythm of prayer, going out into the Meadows on mission together. In the distant future we'd love a to house a rehab place, a health centre, youth and kids hang outs etc etc... but thats a long way off!

4. Lindon and Marie
This couple lost there 5 week old baby before Christmas but there oldest daughter is a Christian and i'm praying and working for them to be saved. join in!

5.Kids Church
We're planning a kids church to start from Easter. Pray for the planning/vision team. For kids to come and meet Jesus. For our children's worker, Helen. We're hoping this will be a space for kids to become radical Spirit-filled missionaries!
5a. Kids Clubs, we have great clubs that attract loads of kids. Pray that they will be increasingly about Jesus and evangelism. Pray for our great leaders, for more kids and for their future and how that works with kids church.

6.Dan
Pray for our little man. He seems to be the one the enemy picks on most. protection, better parenting, strength, wisdom... all the good stuff. Bring it on!

7.Gap year project
Please pray for our partnership with St Nic's (in the city centre) and St Christopher's Sneinton, for Steve and Ruth their leaders. St Nic's is beginning a gap year program from September for over 21's and the boys will be housed here in the Meadows and the girls in Sneinton. They'll worship at St Nic's and work across the churches. pray that many and the right people will be called.

8. Provision of a fundraiser/admin person
The big one. I need admin support and gifted person to do fundraising. the combined job could be a reasonable wage.
pray for God's provision and wisdom to know who that is.
Also for funds for the admin bit!

9. A house for duty youth worker
we want one!

10. Wisdom, leadership ability, strength, motivation, more love, deeper relationship with God.
All the things you'd like your church leader to have, pray for me!

11. inspiration/transformation for members
Lastly and hugely.
Our wonderful church family, small, tired battered but standing firm.
Our hearts cry is to see them fully armed and dangerous, strong in the Lord, deep in prayer, full of the Spirit, steeped in confession, free from all that holds them back.
I want to see them all raised up as church planters.

Ok, thanks for praying, anything else? add it on.

May God add to you 100 fold all that you pray for us.

A Week's Fight

Ok, so I find I'm shattered.

Too early in the week to be shattered? Well, yes but the truth is that it's been a bit of a week.
last Sunday night Dan went off his food, we thought little of it, Monday morning he was sick, oh dear, never mind... he didn't keep food or drink down all day, Monday evening in A&E, Monday night, he's admitted to a 'short stay ward' (anyone else know they existed?) Tuesday aft, he and Caroline come home, got a bit better...

Then he got worse again, diarrhoea begins alongside, Thursday Caroline gets ill, Friday I get ill.
Saturday night I wake up itching from head to toe (since had two more episodes of strange brief all over rashes), Sunday back to emergency doctors, on way to pharmacy Caroline's traps her finger in the car door really badly...

Sunday night feel like the dark night of the soul! Dan still bad as ever, all in pain, weak, struggling... faith not exactly on top form!

Didn't get to do either service I wanted to on Sunday, all-age baptism and a really great plan I had for the evening around a bonfire and confession.

Only on Tuesday did I tentatively get back to work.

Sunday before this started we cast a demon out of a woman and her physical and emotional healing followed. Since we've arrived here in the Meadows the experience of spiritual battle has be seriously intense. (which is a good sign.)

BUT, I had lost my prayer intensity, my focus on fasting, my working out of relationship.
Caroline was toiling in prayer but without my leadership as church and home spiritual leader allied to that somehow we became vulnerable.

I've allowed my hope to be deferred in our work here, I've been missing time with God for increasing admin and this despite prophetic words brought to me.

I'm repenting and moving on... but there's some changes to make:

1) This blog is primarily now for prayer.
I'm hoping that I can get people to check it weekly and use it for prayer updates.

2) Return to working out of God's Presence.
prayer, first, last and foremost.

3) The enemy's running scared.
He was forced to reveal himself and be cast out.
He's doing all he can to hem us in, so we're dangerous!
Armour on, take some ground. I need to be on the streets, in homes, etc. more and more.

Please partner us in prayer, tomorrow morning I write the basic list of prayer requests.

Review

Ok so i feel like it's time to work out what we've done and where we're going...

In 5 months, we have 2 new Christians, 1 demon cast out, one (tiny) house church planted, one new home group. We've moved the Sunday meetings into a hall, dispensed with up front preaching led services and made them interactive and started the journey into questioning what church is. Our continuing monthly all age worship service is now averaging 50 attendees.

There's another potential hose church on the cards, with a couple who are extremely open if not actually there yet. Tonight we're having a meal with two couples to discuss living in community and sharing life. One of the guys is a potential house for duty youth worker. (But all that is totally hypothetical, could easily go belly up.)
We are looking as changing the youth&kids worker role(16 hours) into a children's minister/evangelist and planting a kids church some point around Easter.
Lots of church members are enthused by the journey's into the Spirit they're taking, listening to and hearing God is becoming more normal, one guy prays for healings in Homebase where he works and saw a witch's neck healed!

Things are moving on, chickens are on the way, veg and herbs in the pipeline, we're renovating the cottage and looking at getting some gap year workers, there's possible vicar college students to come...

I prayed for a random guy on the streets for healing yesterday (pray for Loveday) and am looking at how to make that more regular across the church. We have a prayer room under construction in our cellar by our wonderful churchwarden/handyman. This will be the hub for a shared rhythm of life and prayer for a community based round the vicarage/church and open to the whole of the church/meadows community.


This sounds like a lot but I feel like I could have worked harder and done more. Apathy is the big battle and this whole work feels like a huge spiritual battle at the mo. Battling fatigue and ill-health all over the church and in our family. (Dan has been in and out of hospital and is still sick with something gastrorental) Battling all kinds of weird events that hold us back. There's people unhappy iwth changes, there's annoyance that we've cut back youth work, there's much less involvement from me in committees, we're a bit worried about money, admin isn't being done the best... oh well...

We're still in huge need of a fund-raiser, an admin type person, a youth-worker... oh another few thousand saved, but 5 months in, God's at work.

Caroline is flying in faith, just going deeper and i'm loving that, she's out praying/on the streets every Tuesday with a mate, She's planning a pampering evening for single mums at ours and a toddlers group weekly in few weeks time... she only works for church 5 hours a week!


anyway, thats an update for all interested parties... PRAYER PLEASE!

Picking on my weakness

I've been getting back into cricket.
Bizarrely going to nets for a church team at the church where i applied for the vicar's job but didn't get it, which led to us finding the meadows, but anyway...

There's a lot God's teaching me there, but todays point is this:

In my first net the guys, who were all new to me commented on my ability to punish anything on the legside. In the bath afterwards I was reminded of a moment when only 14 or so when our coach at school took me out of the nets where i was batting and told me that i was missing every scoring opportunity that came my way. for the uninitiated, if the ball goes down your leg-side it is virtually impossible for you to out bowled or lbw so its a free hit. He then proceeded to through tennis balls at my leg-side for 10 minutes until i was hammering then round the sports hall. He then put me back in the net and told all the bowlers to bowl at my legs for 10 minutes. he repeated this for the next three practices. By the end of this time my strength was on my legs whereas before bowlers could bowl badly there without any punishment.

This really spoke to me as we've encountered a stronghold spirit of apathy in the meadows and one of my constant battles is over motivation and distraction. I could be inclined to moan and ask God why he brought me into a place where my area of weakness is allied to the local area of attack. Or i could see my loving Father as a great coach who wants me to overcome and be released.

I'm going with the latter.

Something to aspire to...

The Epistle of Mathetes to Diognetus is an early Christian Apologetic writing. I was just emailed, well worth copying!

The Epistle of Mathetes to Diognetus Chapter V.--The Manners of the Christians

For the Christians are distinguished from other men neither by country, nor language, nor the customs which they observe. For they neither inhabit cities of their own, nor employ a peculiar form of speech, nor lead a life which is marked out by any singularity. The course of conduct which they follow has not been devised by any speculation or deliberation of inquisitive men; nor do they, like some, proclaim themselves the advocates of any merely human doctrines. But, inhabiting Greek as well as barbarian cities, according as the lot of each of them has determined, and following the customs of the natives in respect to clothing, food, and the rest of their ordinary conduct, they display to us their wonderful and confessedly striking method of life. They dwell in their own countries, but simply as sojourners. As citizens, they share in all things with others, and yet endure all things as if foreigners. Every foreign land is to them as their native country, and every land of their birth as a land of strangers. They marry, as do all [others]; they beget children; but they do not destroy their offspring. They have a common table, but not a common bed. They are in the flesh, but they do not live after the flesh. They pass their days on earth, but they are citizens of heaven. They obey the prescribed laws, and at the same time surpass the laws by their lives. They love all men, and are persecuted by all. They are unknown and condemned; they are put to death, and restored to life. They are poor, yet make many rich; they are in lack of all things, and yet abound in all; they are dishonoured, and yet in their very dishonour are glorified. They are evil spoken of, and yet are justified; they are reviled, and bless; they are insulted, and repay the insult with honour; they do good, yet are punished as evil-doers. When punished, they rejoice as if quickened into life; they are assailed by the Jews as foreigners, and are persecuted by the Greeks; yet those who hate them are unable to assign any reason for their hatred.

Here we're praying for the start of a community. A couple are looking at moving and and being the first to join and set up the the rhythm and rule, this was very timely.
Cheers Jason.

Books

I was encouraged by someone last night that my blog is read-worthy so here's some motivation!

I've also been reflecting on the lack of humility in blogging, the idea that we're so worthy of reading the seed of hope that says billions of people could read about me...
Anyway I've been thinking about humility, judgment, church, and sonship/adoption, if i don't blog some of it my head will start to combust.

In Swaziland my mate Jon gave me the 'Final Quest' to read after him, it's a prophetic vision given to Rick Joyner and as i was a little (lot) anti-charismatic i read a page or three and dropped it as wack-job.
Now older and ahem, wiser I find myself revisiting it at the same time as slowly reflecting through the jack frost on spiritual sonship book.

It's like being cuddled and disciplined at once! But i'm kinda finding out that's what this God relationship things about.
There is so much in Rick Joyner's prophecy its just great, I kept saying to Caroline: "I'm giving this book a rest it's too much" Then within two hours I was reading again. painfully beautiful, convicting and attracting. It's able to take you into the idea of God's judgment and the abject nature of human position in relation to God and yet not leave you in self-flagellating, work-driven, anti-grace heartache. There is a temptation whilst reading to go that way, but having Jack Frost on tap helps! It's not a Calvinist book, but its does give a sense of our total depravity, whilst leaving us with our choice of a life with or without God, in the measure we choose.

I'm just finishing the final quest before pressing straight into 'The Call.'

All this reading is not normal for me, don't worry! It's just that I've realised I've got sloppy . I've got to a place where i don't finish books ever. I got so tired of reading in 5 years of study that I've avoided th stimulation of good books and become laisez faire with the books i buy and read.
So many of my books have been sold or are being sold on Amazon and I'm endeavoring to read all i buy or to sell on or give away. I've borrowed some good books from a good mate too.

One of which is pagan christianity which I've already read many blogs about and chatted with Hannah J about in blogoshere. I'm only 35 pages in but I'm already forming an opinion.
It's a bit patronising, you say the early church met in homes not church buildings? really! Constantine wasn't the best Christian ever? Some/many of our church practices aren't in the Bible? It's like no expletive sherlock!

It's written like this is some amazing reality which will blow the church apart, but the truth is don't most of us know this? Church has evolved and we do need some form of reformation. But different ways of doing church exist for a reason.
I live in the shadow of the 1000 people strong Vineyard church that is only a decade old. I wouldn't do church their way for love nor money, but I'm not about pulling them apart.
They meet the need of the middle class church hoppers, the Christians and seekers of a particular section of society, their leaders must battle chronic busy-ness, affluenza, feed me don't lead spirit and all the other sicknesses of attractional church.
I know my church has other battles to fight, other groups to reach.

has no one told the writers that God looks at the heart, that He is bigger than his word or the first century church? I'm an Anglican, I believe in a mixed economy church. (not mixed theology just praxis.) I really honour the writers as Viola has planted churches and lived out his call before critiquing other and George Barna has been exploring and critiquing church for ages. The call is for building up not tearing down. But I'm with Alan Hirsch, the best way to critique something is to go and do it better.

Paradoxically, I do think that the British church needs to do some of the things their calling for, in some areas/places. The emerging church, the simple. organic church needs to flourish alongside the existing, then we will be ready for revival and be a missionary movement at the same time.

Anyway, I never got round to humility, it's too painful!

Crisis Junkie

I was remembering a moment on Leadership Training exercise form my first bible college.

It was my turn to lead the team (8-10 trainee church monkeys) through some random training exercise, It all went well, we got the thing done, all ok.
The couple running the thing did the review, I (on autopilot) reviewed my performance.
The lass then asked me a question that woke me up.
" why did you wait for things to get in a mess before sorting them out?"

She explained that after the initial planning chat, I'd sat back, let the team get to the point of failure and implosion and then expertly taken control, lead the team effectively and got the job done.

It's insignificant, but it;s one of those seminal moments of self revelation. I'm a bit lazy, well not lazy but easily distracted, I need a deadline, a motivator, an event, the clock etc...

Whilst doing a bit of navel-gazing i'm wondering how far this reflects a lot of Church leadership, the pastoral emergency, the big service, the festival, the event, the big meeting energise and enthuse, create the forum for activity. Otherwise a person who is so unaccountable in the moments of a day can easily do many things without actually achieving a great deal.

My new year challenge is to get things done so that the crises don't occur, however much miss them. Peace and job satisfaction, hope to find out what they feel like!

Oh and whilst i'm here a few goals for '09 three groups planted (new believers), get on the streets, get the church out in the miraculous, set up kids church and find some more workers to join us.

In factual news... we just stopped meeting on Sundays in the church to meet in a cosy hall next week and explore what being church really means till Easter. We'll go back into church for all age jamboree once a month.

This interestingly dovetails with Hannah J's blog about pagan buildings which I've commented on!

Wrapping

Whenever I've talked/written about this subject i have the (in)appropriate Goldie lookin chain song going round my head, anyway...

So i was on East Midlands BBC news on Saturday night, my first TV interview! (sarcastic woo) Then on Monday morning i was on the radio, but i never listened.

In fact pretty much no one turned up! The idea appealed to the TV, radio, my clergy colleagues, the diocesan press people, all of whom were greatly supportive, but to the people of the meadows...

Well we'll see, the truth is that it's all gotta come from relationship, it's time I got out there more, first three months have been about familiarisation, but from January it's about time on the streets, open house and starting the three house/organic/simple congregations. Off to suggest it to one family today, COME ON!

(just bought 'guns don't kill people, wrappers do!')

Set about putting together a course/programme/thing to use in these gatherings for the first 6-10 weeks with pete farmer, good to do something i feel like i can for a change!

Anyway, midnight service (with bead baked during, mulled wine and hot chocolate!), xmas day celebration, big food shop, wrap caroline's pressies, clean house and we're sorted for the Christmas collapse.

bus-ed in, or incarnation?

The other day I drove into the meadows from town.

As I pulled into the box in the middle of the road to get across the lane of traffic I saw to vehicles in front of me heading for the meadows, one community policing the other a housing agency van. Then me.

How does it feel when you live in a place where everything’s done for/to you? Is it disempowering, are we creating apathy through this outside in, top down approach?

Where do I fit in? I’m not an official insider or anything yet… I do say to people I could have moved anywhere in the country and I chose here, but they just give me that “nice line mate” kinda look.

I’m wary now of our social action, we’ve organised a free present wrap for anyone who turns up at church on Saturday. Is that patronising?

Is it loving, I guess I came up with it ‘cos I’d appreciate it.

But are we perpetuating an unhelpful cycle?

I’m not sure but since I don’t fear failure anymore, I looking forward to giving it a bash and seeing what happens. If a few people come in and get chatting about important things… that’s a start.

Frustration (with me)

Ok, so I'm up at 5.30, Dan awake, his little cousins woken up by him waking and now I'm supervising/sleeping/blogging/being blasted by Jesus you're my superhero.

Deep joy.

Holidays for me are the times when I wander, routine goes, family routine, God routine, the time when I have most time means that I get least done and God kinda gets put to the background.

I'm struggling with the concept that I need a pattern to relationship with God. I mean I want it to be out of love, relationship rather than routine. Within a marriage it takes both I guess, scheduled time, fixed points and spontaneous eruptions of intimacy, fun, relationship.
I constantly worry if I'm giving God the fag-ends, If I'm more honest maybe everyone gets the fag-ends, there's a self-centered-ness that still pervades me. My head space, my time, the personal me-ness never gets invaded, given over to anyone else except in occasional moments of total intimacy. There's the high points, the times in worship, the moments of soaking, prayer, study etc whether alone or in a crowd, but the general day-to-day, it's still mine and jealously guarded.

I'm often aware when i preach that some of the comments I come out with are aimed at me. Its like Balaam's ass or something. I was trying to get across on that God is always better (more good) than we think he is. I gave a list of things he wanted for us, all good and finished with the point that he wants to bring the best out of us/achieve things with us, there was an audible groan. I love speaking to a small intimate crowd!
It was obvious that the point of God's goodness hadn't got across, or that we're seriously lazy! I guess i think the same way, the idea that God want to achieve great things with and through me can leave me groaning, the whole getting off my backside into things that are difficult but good isn't really appealing.
It's the old Aslan thing of him not being a safe lion. We're all aware that if we let God have full access to all areas that safety goes out of the window, not physical safety, but internal freedom/selfishness. My internal space, the core that I'm still clinging onto.

It's got to start from a depth of conviction of God's love. Then that journey begins, steps of allowing him in and building upon the trust that is born. I guess my frustration is born of stagnation. meeting the same issue repeatedly. We all have issues and blindspots and I guess as I get older and re-hit the same things a few times one of two things happen:
1. I accept these areas and blockages/callouses form. I don't doubt God's goodness out loud, but in practice, i stop and become entrenched, certain things are beyond me and then the enemy gets a platform to tell me I'm failing/fearing etc...
2. The build up of revisiting these areas produces a momentum, an anger, a frustration that leads to change. An eruption, like a volcano creates new life. A step further into full life.

Ok so this is the circle again (life shapes).

Letting God into my inner land, is my promised land.
It's the choice of the desert with manna and quail or the battle of a land of milk and honey where I need to trust in God to work with me in taking it.
I'm stating a lot obviousness today, but its helping me and that's the point of this blog.
More of my selfishness on display!

In freezing Dorset

So i'm away on holiday, time to reflect, well, sleep at the mo...

So much for the warmth of the south, the windchill factor is -40degrees.
missing the meadows, but needing the rest.

received a biggish cheque, now have the fun of responsibly using the money without getting into materialistic mess...
good problem/bad problem.

story I was writing which i've binned in favour of a better version.

My God My God,

Why haven’t you forsaken me?

So I’m here, guilty, it’s all too easy, the edge is so easy to avoid, I’m the few not the many, I’m lucky, blessed, I’m the fittest, the free-est.

There’s no battle to fight, no race to be won, just the monotony of easy success.

If I fail it’s the dole, the TV, chronic boredom of squatting.

I cannot fail, so I explore the edge, I explore that outer land of possibility, could I fall, can i go so far they’d never have me?

Can I do enough so you stop loving me, can I find the punishment for the guilt that surrounds, that absorbs, that hides in the back of my consciousness?

The Nine Million who suffer this, while I cruise. The countless in poverty, the women trampled by terrible governments.

Maybe if I watch enough of them on a screen, maybe if I listen to enough people getting righteously indignant, maybe if I subscribe to the right site, wear the right band, buy the right coffee…

But will it do anything, I know I won’t do enough cause I’m too well, I’m too, like you man, like me, like everyone. It’s not that one person can’t change the world it’s just I well I don’t want to.

I’ll never do enough and then I’ll have to put up with all those folks saying how great I am and I’ll know its just to feed my ego and I didn’t do it for good reason.

So what, I’ll sit here and slowly, petrify, ossify, become the missing link. The evolution of the soul stops here, this was the moment. The integrity destroying society who stopped it all.

Drama queen,

We know it isn’t that big a deal its just the death of a world order taking too long to happen, it’s just tectonic plates shifting from one age to another, it’s just a 33 speed slo-mo, the size of the change, the clear out needed, it’s so mammoth it’ll take forever, meanwhile I’m stuck here; bedlam on lithium and larium. A non-chem induced downer with the occasional incandescent, bubble-bursting explosion from man-made air into drowning water.

So what the point of my stream of cancerousness?

Who needs a point, apparently the meta-narrative is dead, as procrastinators love to spout.

Welcome back to my lecture, I mean life, I mean, I know I’ve seen however many million hours of adverts that have polluted every thought I’m capable of having, no song I know is short of corporate sponsorship. No smell isn’t packaged, sight is un-franchised, but then it’s full of franchises, except in the great out-there that is so aspirational it’ll make you vomit. Even going somewhere no-one’s been is destroyed when the competitivety you show by doing it makes you a loser.

Ach, Verbal diarrhoea

Blogger’s paradise becomes a restless hell as the formless shape that is my best mate appears and disappears in annoying mindless moments. He’s directionless even around the environs of his own home, even his own body, his being frustrates me and yet I’m as bad on the macro level.

He’s strung out on the check-out girl; somehow in his mind he thinks if he sleeps with enough of the proletariat then he’ll prove he’s human. He reckons there’s more wisdom in the life of the average struggling family than in the writings of everyone post 1900 but the truth is he’s just another target for Jarvis Cocker’s common people rant.

Some much bull and here I am adding to it.

Eventually conversation has to happen and when it does it about milk. The perfect fridge that we bought still can’t make the milk nature made last more than a few days past sell by. Apparently it’s lumpy and Kester needs nutrition.

So here we are on the edge of life, playing paper scissors stone to go to the maul and buy milk.

Fisrt post when i almost started a blog a couple of years back...

Day 1

The British spirit, what is it?

In the course of looking at what men need, who we are I’m starting to question what is British, as I uncover my own identity I find myself less British, less English as I define what that might be. I am and always will be a Yorkshire-man, that pride and bloody-minded passion for direct speech is yet to be refined.

The game of the English is that of the critic it’s like a national spirit of deconstruction. Built on the edifice of a history of invention and creation which is old and tired, like the second year undergrad we know what it is to be enthusiastic and find ourselves superior to that enthusiasm. We look down our nose at Americanism, religious fervour, political passion, action, our sporting teams are supported with a singular fervour.

In them alone do we allow a true fervour, a passion, an intensity to build. Here we let go all our inhibitions and fly in the face of who we are. And yet where is our critical spirit most clearly seen and articulately voiced as when we fail, as teams must from time to time, the bloodletting, the putsches, the vilification and destruction of the messiahs built only days before is our, British, offering to the world of virtue.

I am not calling up a nationalist spirit to rival the American, Zionist and Islamic imperialism of our global political climate but I am seeking to let us be happy, free and unashamed, to no longer be the confused teenage boy of the world, born to a privileged family but guilty in his own success, fearful of all things yet protected by historical veneers of responsibility and an all pervading cynicism and irony which works both as defence mechanism and prison.

So here I find myself quoting an American president who’s politics I might not entirely endorse but this quote will resound in my head at least, impacting every muscle from blood pump to brain through every sinew until I can say I’ve lived it.

I will not lead from insecurity.

‘It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood. He who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and at worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.’ Theodore Roosevelt, 1910.

Recently a friend told me about a prophetic ministry that sees the First World War and the blind sending of our youth to slaughter as still having effective power over the nation. Does this somehow keep people in apathetic poverty, and blind affluence? I don’t know if I agree, but I do believe that the legacy of the death of an empire through the death of millions and the correct deconstruction of the politics of power and nationalism has left us inept and confused. The nation state is dying, yet as it rails against the dying of the light in the Middle East and Middle America we Brits are susceptible to both the old excesses and extremes, and the apathy to the modern abuse of power through materialism.

Our deconstruction of the past brings no bearing on the present, no global action on the blights of poverty and the true causes of war and terrorism. We sit in the worlds corner, knowing some prophetic answers yet like that petulant young man we sit and keep them to ourselves for fear of failure and ridicule.

Hey cheer up, it might never happen!

Prophetic Seers

Okay so from a place of being sure of myself as someone who can take the best of everything, enter Jill Austin… @ revival fires, Dudley

I’m into politics and history, sad but true, and when this prophet turns of phrases and political views completely contradictory to mine I couldn’t cope.

I was watching others being helped and led to God, but comments on Obama, allusions to the USA’s history in glowing terms over leaders I would group as nearing fascism, led me away to do the baby sitting.

It’s really made me thinking. I identify personality wise as a prophet (plumbline ministries) and that judging view leads me to want to discard things if part of the message is “wrong” in my humble opinion.

Various different ideas on who I am, from five-fold ministries to MBTI have helped me, but the above link is the best I’ve found, and it helps that I reaching a mature enough point to look past the traits that describe me and learn to overcome.

I have no idea what Jill said, bless her, but Ken Gott was really prophetic, speaking into some of the bless me culture and the historical pente/charismatic reputation for holiness that we seem to have lost, spoke out of Isaiah 6, an old chapter i thought I knew.

Bill Johnson, did his usual, which sounds disparaging, but it's just that he's impossible to describe, yes i did think that the whole thing wa about an old model, but there's no model which is infused with so much of God.
i found myself crying out for the wineskin that would carry and release the wonders of the uncritical self-blind charismatic movement out into an merging model. As always, run with your own ideas Davey boy...

Sloshie

My post on drunken-ness alludes to this event, Emerge Wales is the place to start and Jon Crowder and Ben Dunn the way to get more and go deeper. I've been amused by some of the comments about such things from the well-known emergent bloggers. start here People who are usually so good at thinking out of the box perplexed by some really out-there mystics with really culturally (in)appropriate reclaiming of language and culture and early church ideas.
It was here that I re-got the gospel and took a further trip into the arms of a loving Father.

If we try and rationally discuss the Holy Spirit events it inevitably ends up in a place of 'why do these weird things happen, why would God be so weird, where’s the fruit' question (from a rational, sensible point of view versus a 'It's transformed me, Appeal to specific verses and church fathers/revivalists, God's sovereign he can do what wants' (from an experiential place) .

Having crossed the divide from rational to mental(!) It is simply about stepping into the situation. My journey into stuff I would previously have dismissed began as a call from God to learn from individuals who's lives were full of great things happening rather than simply clever writers/speakers. Jesus taught with authority because he taught from example and practical experience, not form having studied. It's a farce in the modern world that you can lecture on a subject with no practical experience in it. blind leading the blind?
Anyway, having begun this journey in reading, I found myself more and more exploring those who claimed to move in the miraculous and as i spent time under their influence, with discerning antennae highly tuned.
The moment of change was in a large room where Roland Baker was speaking, he was wacky and completely out of it. I was mentally destroying his techniques, theology and was offended in very religious pharisaical kind of way, until Roland walked past me, gently put a hand on my shoulder and i went over backwards laughing my head off, still thinking 'this is wrong!' Both my wife and friend next to me responded in the exact same way, the instant i did.
Experience, theology, tradition and Bible all in a weird conflict. The way forward was to journey on with a more open mind. Eventually I'm on the way to being able to experience, throw myself into all Godly things and take the best. That doesn't mean not being constructively critical.

But it beats sitting on the side saying the water's polluted for fear I may go out of my depth.

The Problem

Ok, so the perennial church leader problem,
I have too much maintinence to do, I don't have time or space for mission.

I need to support my church, It's about having lots of people, making church cool, putting on the show, providing the programmes...

I just want to put a bomb under it all, I mean we all got into this to follow Jesus and spend my time following Branson or someone...

But i can't just pull the plug on Sunday and Wednesday night... well not without another option, not before giving the congregation who've been taught to consume and demand to fly the nest and sow and reap for themselves.

It helps me that Papa has me on a pincer movement not going tunnel vision.
As I chase the early church model of life/church as it should have been, He's set me on a path of Jesus ministry, Spirit filled, mind exploding, world changing, sickness killing, power.

And the Spirit isn't fussy, He'll work whatever weird kind of church we event.

I'm loving God's fore-sight. I mean He's good, so good, better than i keep finding out.

Loving this.

In the interest of druken-ness

I was always a lairy drunk,
bit of a handful for those who had to cope with me drinking.

I say that in the past tense but even though I've hardly had a drink in the past 3 years I've been drunker than ever over the weekend.

"If evangelicals really believed 10% of what they say they do, they should be 100% more joyful."
Well I've found the joy, lying on my back, like a Riggwelter who's happy to be messed up with the Shepherd. There's so little fun and joy in the church and all Jesus seemed to do was go to parties with bad people and bring them more joy than they've ever known.
It offends me when I write that Jesus spent his time partying, but its the truth of the gospel!

I've also read things that have blown my mind. (see the book list)

Man, we've messed up this Jesus following thing in the western world.
It's like the lights or on, but the King hasn't been allowed in for a while.
"Behold I stand at the door and knock," he's knocking on my doors! The Vicar, the Christian, saying can i come in and get involved, any chance you'd sit back and do it in my strength, my way? He's not knocking on the doors of the lost, thats our job!

I've never felt so bold, so lairy, so up for transforming the area.
There's a power in me, He raised Jesus from the dead and I'm gonna let Him out and loose!
Time to get get lairy drunk again, no substances needed.

Journal

What is my plan for today?

In all your was acknowledge me and He will make straight our paths.
There will be visits but today embrace that which you don't like, prepare your heart for ignorant praise, for joy un-abounding without strategy or plan. Be free and receive but do not copy.
The joy will be your boldness, the love will be our catalyst.

In all your ways acknowledge Him and I will make straight your paths.
if the ground is good but the seed is not buried and dead, the ground remains good but fallow.
If the ground is poor but sowing if done right, there will be at least a small crop.
Sowing is the responsibility I lay on all of you, love is the responsibility, sow into new ground, reseed the old ground until the field of my joy is complete.

In all you way acknowledge US and we will be your God, we will make you our people.
The community is coming, some will procrastinate some will run, the land and the food you share will rejoice as you come together, do not lead by position, wait to be lifted into leading by the community. Write your patterns and plans on my walls, live long in my room in your house, let one and another who come build my sanctuary.

I will provide, send today for money and the outpouring will follow.


My love is over you, my jo will be complete in you, rest in my love, work in the fields.

Struggling towards ecstasy

I'm sure life in all its fullness isn't sitting on my arse.

I'm thinking about difficulty, I mean, I never want to do anything difficult.
Taking initiative is only something I want to do if its for my good or someone else's without causing much pain or difficulty.

To go into difficulty is to find fulfillment,

We're cocooned by a world which tells us that the next thing we buy will give us life in all its fullness, we think we get advertising and yet the big lie is that the most media-savvy of us are still sucked in.

I think I've made my actions too easy and my faith to complex.

I watch my 18months old son and see him challenge himself daily, no good reason to, he's just growing. How much am I stagnating?

Church feels like its about stagnating, about the status quo, learn more head knowledge, read this book, listen to this sermoniser. I mean when did a church leader say lets all do this difficult thing together, oh and by the way I've already been doing it for a year, maybe its time i was the change I'm moaning about. or some such cliché.

Life to full, thats what i have thats what i offer.
I'm guessing finding a church with the best band and coolest leader isn't the fullness. It's the easiness.

I'm struggling with people who talk behind my back, with others defensiveness, I need to forgive and I need to instill loyalty, not a loyalty that means that I as leader am never questioned but that creative discussion and disagreement happens without anyone feeling they have a right to show off about having put me down.
Loyalty thats about the destruction of ego and self-will, but i guess thats a journey of pain into life in all its fullness, but then you know all about that don't you.

I need to go first, where you led.
Give me grace.